she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
