I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
wow bdsm is so cute
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
