Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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