i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
