when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
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