why do cheetos always look like penises
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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