Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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