We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
