the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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