ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
