I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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