he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
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Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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