Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
