Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
