Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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