Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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