what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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