The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
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So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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