How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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