In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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