Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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