Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
