too bad you live with your parents still
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
