I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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