i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
