I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i was born a porn star she said
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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