I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
