New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
