This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
