:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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