I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
