Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
