Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize