Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
