All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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