i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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