i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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