2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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