I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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