tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My ass is underappreciated
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
