How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
