I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize