uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
