Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
