do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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