And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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