Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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