My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
did i just pee glitter
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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