what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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