yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
