I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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