that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Someone came in the potted fern
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
