What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
