I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
