I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
