i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
did i just pee glitter
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
