OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
