I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
where are my pants?
in the oven.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
