i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
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She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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