what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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