I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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