Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
