roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
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Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
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Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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