Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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