Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
