Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
