So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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