i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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